The Journey that Brought Me to Where I Am Today
This Substack is meant to be one more of the many voices for the many voiceless victims of rape and molestation, especially those of us who were children when our innocence was stolen.
Content Warning: Potentially Triggering Material. If you are triggered, please seek resources, some of which you can find here.
Criminals research environments where they will be the most protected.
Until 1972, Delaware had the lowest age of consent in the nation, age seven1. In historical photos, children can be seen playing at the prostitute houses in our own city of Wilmington.
If crime is not prosecuted, the number of criminals will only rise.
Wilmington, Delaware, has the highest percentage of sex offenders of any city in the United States, 93 registered sex offenders per 10,000 residents, which is 1 registered sex offender for every 107 residents.2 (The next closest is Orlando, Florida, at 70 registered sex offenders per 10,000 residents.) Of course, the sex offenders who haven’t been caught make the real number much higher.
Imagine yourself at the age of forty, teaching 900 students on a rotational basis. Out of the blue, the presence of one particular child continues to cause you nausea. One or two days a week you have to get a sub and run out of the room to vomit. You don’t understand it. You don’t know why you’re shaking and trembling every day, your stomach in knots and your chest so tight in anticipation of this innocent child coming to your class. You incessantly wonder what is causing your body’s nervous system to respond in such a repulsive way. What is it about this child that makes you want to quit your natural passion for teaching and run for your life?
Then imagine through research, discovering that this child is the great grandchild of the owner of a Delaware state-licensed daycare that you attended. This child, who greatly resembles the great grandmother, spurs a daily physical trigger for you, finally bringing forward your trauma-dissociated memories, initially through bodily responses.
Traumatic amnesia is the “forgetting” of horrific events, filing them away in the brain behind steel doors. Triggers can cause awareness of these events to return, though, exactly as they did for me. For me, what was catalyzed were somatic expressions, flashbacks, and memory downloads that had been shut away for almost 35 years.
Imagine recollecting the horror of being a child, locked in the bathroom with the daycare provider’s husband, the perpetrator. Being overwhelmed with the memories of freezing, standing outside your own body, dissociating from the pain of this grown man’s oral and penetrated anal sex, his whispers that if you reveal his secret he will kill you and your family. Imagine seeing yourself being dropped off every morning not understanding why your parents were leaving you with these monsters, unaware that they had no idea what was happening.
Imagine being overwhelmed with your own sexual trauma, but then becoming aware that others were being abused too, even as infants.
This is my story. The delayed recall of my abuse is common for childhood sexual abuse survivors. Our culture may think what happens to a young child will be forgotten, but this just isn’t true.
At the age of 40 I began to understand why I had been unable to manage certain emotional reactions my whole life. I found out I had PTSD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and I needed immediate therapeutic assistance. I had to explain to my spouse and children what was unraveling within me. I needed extensive therapy and coping strategies just to be able to function.
An attorney helped me get one of the documents regarding the charges against this perpetrator. (Other documents were sealed, and I was not able to obtain them. I may write another article about this.)
I learned that this perpetrator of this 30-year daycare with a stellar reputation had been charged with sexual assault on at least three other occasions. He was released the same day he was charged, with “insufficient evidence.”
This document gave me proof of the memories that had been returning. I was not going crazy. I read about the invasive sexual acts he committed on these children. I was another of his victims, as were others in that daycare.
My memories of sexual assault took 35 years to return. Through my own experience I am highly motivated to change the sex abuse laws in Delaware.
This Substack is meant to be one more of the many voices for the many voiceless victims of rape and molestation, especially those of us who were children when our innocence was stolen.
We need to remove the time limit for victims to bring civil claims against their abusers and the institutions and organizations that protected the offenders rather than the victims. That is, we need to abolish the statute of limitations for civil suits in these cases. It is only as those who were abused as children can bring civil suit against the perpetrators and perpetrator enablers that we can bring an end to this scourge in our state.
This legislation is the first step, but God has also put on my heart to help redeem and heal the heartache of all those who have been deceived by lust and anger.
When I ask “God, why?” He reminds me of his son Jesus Christ’s death on the cross for our sins. When I imagine being Mary and watching this torture done to my own child I get tears thinking of it. With God’s help I can be a voice for all our children, to be God’s vessel, and let no one stop or intimidate me, with the Lord being my best friend throughout the whole process. My question now is, “What are the good things that come out of the bad things that are done to innocent people?”
If my awakening hadn’t happened the way it did, secondary concerns may have kept me from seeing this spiritual assignment. My way gets things done, but his way does what matters. I have found that being in the center of God’s will does not have to look the way I thought it would. Working for his Kingdom means doing the next right thing. I surrender and say, “God’s got this!”
Choosing God’s way is a matter of faith. Trusting God fully means I no longer trust myself apart from him; I gladly, fully, and humbly submit to his way. I’m also meeting and making other faithful disciples who are also following his way. I trust that where God has me right now, he has plans to use me, and with more of his servants we will create change.
If this information triggered you, besides seeking the resources in the link above, you may consider finding a trauma-informed therapist or prayer minister, and you may consider writing out your feelings and experiences, which has been a big help to me.
In Delaware the age of consent was 10 until 1871 when it was lowered to seven.
14 Del. Laws 105 (1871)
Technically, the age of consent in the Delaware rape law remained seven until 1972, when the state completely overhauled its criminal code, replacing the old common law definition of crimes with a modern criminal code.
https://blogs.lawlib.widener.edu/delaware/2014/07/07/the-age-of-consent-and-rape-reform-in-delaware
14 Del. Laws 105 (1871):
https://delaware.contentdm.oclc.org/digital/collection/p15323coll1/id/53650
This infographic analyzes 125 major U.S. cities to provide a ratio of sex offenders to non-offenders, showing where the highest concentrations of sex offenders are. The top ten cities found to have the highest ratios are as follows:
Wilmington, Delaware — One sex offender for every 107 residents
Orlando, Florida — One sex offender for every 143 residents
https://www.security.org/blog/u-s-cities-ranked-by-the-frequency-of-registered-sex-offenders
Registered sex offenders in Delaware:
https://www.city-data.com/so/Delaware.html